You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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