im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
