I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
