Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
