but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
