We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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