We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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