Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
