I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
