I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
