I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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