I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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