he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize