P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
