Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
