Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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