Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
