i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
