Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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