you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
