tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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