The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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