i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
