I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
