you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sobbing to NWA
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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