the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
