i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
