i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
