(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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