I will die if light touches me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize