but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
