Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
