i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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