i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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