he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
