It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
