6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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