wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
