i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
