Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
