so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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