My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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