I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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