Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
