At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
