If i come over, it means nothing
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The best revenge is premature balding
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
