I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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