I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to be your penis for a week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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