she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
