ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
