Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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