Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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