I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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