You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you. Go after that dick
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
