This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
