So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
