my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come share oat with me in your robe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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