whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
