The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize