I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
