Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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