i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize