Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
