She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
