I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
