the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
