I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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