Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
