you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
