Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
