Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
